Credo — how I got here …

For those who wonder, credo is a Latin (and Italian) word meaning I believe, making whatever follows it personal.

Okay. All of the above said, here’s the way I see it. (Alternatively, jump ahead to a confession.)

Adam-and-Eve’s banishment from Eden is, in story form, the Creation of the mind mind, the ego or egosense: “I am me, and you aren’t.” The human condition: the One perceived as many. (For what I suggest the Creator may have intended by their creation, please see here.)

And that is where I am today, as Stefan not you. Ditto you, perceived by you as you not me. Again, many, not one, One.

The Eden event is just a story, a fanciful true story about the real, the Real.

As I suggest in “In The Beginning,” the Real cannot be told in words. It is too, uh, unearthly to fit into words.

Some spiritual traditions call it a dream. In effect, Adam-and-Eve aren’t banished, “they” are put to sleep. And are dreaming. Their dream is us and our lives.

Stefan and Stefan’s life is Adam-and-Eve’s dream. Stefan is a dream character. You and your life too.

But again, it is a story, a teaching device.

The “spiritual” process is a path to awakening from the dream. Mind you, awakening the dreamer, awakening Adam-and-Eve, not awakening the dream character, Stefan. Or you. You and I are characters in the dream.

Dream characters are not dreaming, so on awakening, they do not awaken. Dreamers are dreaming, so on awakening, it is they who awaken. And on awakening of the dreamer, the dream and the dream characters … POOF! Gone. Presumably.

Or maybe not. It’s complicated. Consider this. Let’s say last night each of us dreamed of riding a horse across a field into a woods up to a clearing in which were a few people, men and women, some beautiful some less so, some eating a meal, who urge us to dismount, and then speak to us, observations, warnings, promises, in a foreign language we do not know but are able to understand. A dream. (Just for fun, I used some images I know dream analysts would enjoy, but any scenario would do here.) And then we awake. Where is all that stuff? Gone, right?

All gone. Or is it? While in train, it’s unmistakably there. In my experience, I have never dreamed that I was dreaming, that the persons, things, events were not “real”. I have never even considered the real-ness of a dream while dreaming it. While dreaming, the dream is real.. Even all there is.

It is my belief, my sense of what is, my credo that what you and I each call “me and my life,” is like that. In some mysterious way, me and my life, you and your life, is both real and unreal, simultaneously. Actually occurring, but somehow not really. The dream is, let’s say, a Dream, meaning it has some connection to Reality;

Actually, I am certain of that, sufficiently certain to say (cautiously) “I know it.” I mean, it makes sense, and needs to be true.

There is more to it, of course. But this is a piece of it.

The details are still unknown … to me who — or is it what? — is having the dream, doing the dreaming. Dream-wise, who and what is me the character and me the dreamer?

And, what‘s the purpose? Is there a purpose? In “In The Beginning” I suggest that it might be God‘s way to experience being stuff, separate and individual things, an experience denied to an infinite being that is by definition all there is all at once. God, who knows creation, discovering what it’s like to be created. Or is it evolution? Charles Darwin messing with our lives? We begin as drops of water in a swamp and evolve from there to enlightenment. Or it’s something altogether else. Dunno.

So who or what precisely will I be when the dreamer awakens? If not Stefan, who? what? where? And if Stefan, how?

A guess: It will be the same but different … in unexpected ways (whatever that means).

Just a guess.

What I do know is what I have been told and what I have read by the Teachers, , and I am convinced it is the Truth. Well, actually, Stefan, a dream character, knows what he has read and been told in the dream, he is convinced that it is True. Even wondrous.

It is convincing to me (I believe it) because I have experienced, I continue to experience, moments, series of moments, Seeing It, Being It, precisely as the Teachers describe It. They last just moments, sometimes minutes, sometimes a few minutes. Not long. And yet, the Truth of those moments is evident and believable, persuasively True. They are beyond the dream. It is not that they just seem to be beyond; they are unmistakably so. I cannot explain it in words except to say it is, they are, a happening above and beyond in every sense of the words. Like a movie in black-and-white that becomes suddenly, inexplicably in full technicolor. A veil removed. A shaded window abruptly opened to full sunlight. A fourth dimension appearing in our three dimensional environment. Not that, but like that. And, yes, just a moment … so far. But these moments are a clear, certain, convincing piercing of the dream by the Real.

A self-generated, uninterrupted, causeless, purposeless, boundaryless, joy-filled, silent “Oh my.” Like that.

Blissful.

Is that what life, Life, Real Life, is, beyond the dream? Dunno.

But I suspect so.

Okay, for now that’s it. To return to the beginning of this statement, click here, or to the top of this page, click here.

Or continue …

A confession: About my spiritual practice: I keep the spiritual, my being a seeker, in mind as constantly and consistently as I am able, from awakening in the morning to sleep at night. “Fix your mind on Me” (Krishna). As I understand him, in his book Living Presence, Kabir Helminski associates this with the Islamic term ZHIKR (sometimes DHIKR) as “the state of being consciously aware of the Divine Presence through the heart.” I call it constant meditation   … an awareness of the sacred. No, of course, it’s not constant, but that’s the ideal. Perhaps the inevitable ultimate. It is my life, not a part of my life. I consider the entirety of my life, life itself, to be a whole, ultimately an infinite whole. I look for it in every moment, every event, every thing, and every one I encounter, in whatever shape or form or manner. I seek to see it all as one, undivided, boundary-less. A single one. There is no thou shalt or thou shalt not. If God is Infinite, then God is All There Is, and All There Is is God. Which makes eveyone and everything one, however considered. The One. “I never see a thing without seeing God before it” (Abu Bakr, companion of Muhammad). Nothing about my daily life announces this to an observer. There is nothing about me to see or hear. This stuff is simply who I am. what I have become.
        Life — Nancy’s and my life — has become simple. Nothing special. Old stuff and useless habits allowed to drift away. “No thought for the morrow” (Matthew 6:34). Together we lean on the weight-lifting words of Jalaluddin Rumi: “I didn’t come here of my own accord, and I can’t leave that way. Whoever brought me here will have to take me home.”

And this: To those new to the spiritual process and so to whom some stuff here seems a little weird, consider this: In the Christian tradition it is taught that the Teacher Jesus/Issa insisted to his disciples and all whom he taught (and by extension all of humanity) “This I command you: Love one another.” All the traditions I have come across demand the same. I take it to mean whoever and whatever we encounter in life, we are to address her, him, it, wisely, maturely, sensibly, and with love. Surely when those words were first spoken to Peter and Mary Magdalene and the others, one of them must have whined (if they dared!), “Are you nuts? Have you read the lead story in today‘s newspaper? Rape, child molestation, spouse beating! And that’s just the first paragraph.” To that, I suspect he reminded them, as do all the Teachers, no one said learning to walk the spiritual path would be easy. (A personal observation: Some texts seem to consider the command “Love one another” (Matthew 22, John 13 et al) to have been directed by Jesus/Issa solely to his disciples, like “Knock it off, you guys!” I suppose there was some of that, but as I see him, his focus was far beyond the twelve, and he means this commandment, however hard, to be heard — and obeyed — by all of us.)

This too: What each of us perceives as “me” and “my world“ is in truth, in Truth, the Infinite Indivisible Undescribable Unknowable Omnipresent Self being this. Our task, the task of each of us individually (this is an individual undertaking not a group activity), is to awaken and be aware — open our eyes (again, each of us individually, open our own eyes) and see this in every corner of our life, in every experience, in every thought. Here it is in Vasistha’s Yoga: “From the time the Lord Siva instructed me, I have been performing the worship of the Infinite Self. By the Grace of such worship, though I am constantly engaged in various activities, I am free from sorrow. I perform the worship of the Self, Who is undivided though apparently divided, with the flowers of whatever comes to me naturally and whatever actions are natural to me. He says he is constantly engaged in various activities. Me too. Who among us isn”t! Infinite Self? By definition, infinite means, includes, you and me, my life and your life, every other person, thing; whoever, whatever, wherever, whenever, however. What is. So, here I take it to mean, as I sit in my room now, you wherever you are now, considering this stuff, we are, it is, our shared existence is, somehow the Infinite Self doing so, being that, Which is to say, in a way that I am, you are, unable to perceive yet, this is, we are, the Infinite Self. Worship how? My guess, initially simply by being aware, reminding ourselves, repeatedly and constantly, of the apparent instruction to perceive what is many as one, even while we may not understand it. Flowers? My guess, initially simply being present, or failing that, trying to be present by repeatedly reminding ourselves to be present. That effort, that commitment, is — at least initially — flowers enough. Ask any school teacher.

And again: All the while, just for fun, suppose God takes a nap (yes, of course, it’s ridiculous), and dreams of being born a person, multiple persons, in a world composed of persons and places and things and stuff. And in this dream, each person has a life lived among all the other persons. And each of these individual lives is separate from all the other individual lives, but all of them, being elements of the same dream, are intimately related. Each of the dreamed individuals has a name. Among those names are Stefan and your name. And in this cosmic dream there is a sequence in which those two named dream characters meet, not physically but notionally — writing and reading and considering these very words — and they wonder, they each wonder, who am I, where am I, what am I. And that wondering — in effect, the two of them together, as one — contributes to a developing escape path out of the dream into Awakened Reality. Observing that phenomenon, sensing that happening within Himself, within Herself, God remarks, “How cool is that!” And, embracing that thought, again together as one, you and I experience a wonderful thing, dubbed in Latin miraculum. “Where two or three gather in my name, I am there with them” (Matthew 18:20).

One more time: All the Teachers talk about our perceving as many what God sees as One.   God — Teachers — see life as one, the One, Life, when we see it as many: me, you,  my car, your house, America, Iran, peace, war, clouds, rain drops, trees, acorns, squirrels, planets, galaxies …. This morning, struggling with this, trying to see me, my chair, a cat, a handkerchief, a window, the room, a copy of Vasistha’s Yoga in my hands, all as one, the One, not as the many they so clearly seem to me, so obviously are, the word “dream” popped into my mind. A dream, last night’s dream, any night’s dream, could easily be composed of all those items, and to the dreamer (me, you) the dream characters and the dream events seem — they are — many. But think about it. Actually, in fact, they are all one. A dream is not a bunch of independent stuff; it is a single thing, a single, entire, self-contained, wholly separate-less phenomenon. From its beginning to its end, a dream is one thing, itself. The apparent separation, the separate and separated “characters” are just that, apparently separate. Like in a painting. Think of Leonardo da Vinci’s Mona Lisa — a woman, a smile, a country road, a pond, trees. All separate items, but actually not separate, not separated one from another. All the separate-ness on the canvas is apparent. The painting is a single, undivided, separate-less whole. All the separating — the woman, the pond, the trees — is assumed, perceived, by us, the viewer. That painting, any painting, is just a collection of painter’s oil. Different colors, different textures, mixed and applied — yes, Leonardo, sometimes brilliantly, but still it’s all just oil. One substance. No separate this, no separate that. Just oil … even just consciousness? Perceived as separate items by the viewer, by you, by me — your mind, my mind, seeing a bunch of painter’s oil (a helping of consciousness?), turns it into a scene. A separate, separating, separative scene full of separate stuff. Does that define our separate lives, what each of us is doing all day, every day? As I understand the Teachers, the answer to that question is yes. Stuff seems outer, occurring in a room, on a field, across the street, but it is actually all inner, in the mind, in my mind and your mind. There is no outer, no such thing. The mind performs the separating and the projecting.
        This too. Vasistha’s Yoga, as I read it, tells us to worship the Self, God, by worshipping every moment of our life. Here it is again: “From the time the Lord instructed me, I have been performing the worship of the Infinite Self. By the Grace of such worship, though I am constantly engaged in various activities, I am free from sorrow. … ” To me that is about recognizing, acknowleging, behaving, as if God being Infinite means God is all there is, and all there is is God, which in turn means God is my life, God is your life, every moment of my life and your life. Not in my life, is my life!! So, yes, of course, attend church, mosque, synagogue. But worship not just there. Worship on the way there, to and from there. Worship the traffic light, the cop on the corner, the street itself, the trees along the sidewalk, the woman pushing a baby carriage, the clouds in the sky, the garbage in the gutter, the horror on the radio news. And not just one day a week, every day of every week of every year. Full time Zen. That, all of that, is my life, your life, and all the Teachers say it, repeatedly, forcefully, convincingly: “I Am Here.” Everywhere. Always. To me, that has to mean, I am your life. No, not only that, of course infinitely more; but nonetheless, all of that. And we don’t have to like it, but we are urged, commanded, to remember it … and, yes, love it.

Update: This morning, on awakening, as I got out of bed, I heard myself saying to myself, I devote my awakening to the Infinite Self. Cool. Is that a form, a manner, of Vasistha’s Yoga’s worship? I’m betting it is. I am going to assert it from time to time all day today … and all days ahead. Like, I devote this or that or whatever to the Infinite Self. A few seconds, to myself, silently.
       A day later, a second thought: “devote” is a curious word in that context. Did I mean “dedicate”? Or “worship”? Was I inspired — or clumsy? It’s done. I’m staying with “devote”.

I Say Again: First, briefly about my practice of the lines from Vasistha’s Yoga. On awakening I study the short paragraph (page 387 in my 1993 SUNY copy) “From the time the Lord instructed me … ”. Then I put the book down, gaze at the room and its contents, and I think to myself, “This appears to be many — chairs, table, book, windows, ceiling, a cat — created by my mind, and known to me as me, my life, and my world. But in Truth it is one, One, the One.” I sit there, still, silent, doing nothing, not trying to do or accomplish anything. Just sit, and digest. Then, when I feel myself having to force myself to continue sitting still, I read a few pages from the book, thank the Teacher, and attend to the day’s “various activities”. Every day. In varying fashion, several times every day.
       Now, about my use of the word Teacher, please see here. Nancy and I have had, continue to have, a powerful relationship with Teacher(s) and Guru(s), in flesh and in books and in dreams. For me they are, each of them individually and all of them together, a manifestation perceived in my mind of the One Teacher, One Guru, God, Who Is Constantly Present and Than Whom There Is No Other. In the Hindu & Buddhist traditions, Sat-Chit-Ananda, Brahman. If you think you do not have a Teacher or Guru, if you wish you had a Teacher or Guru, know this: You do. You may not be aware of it, but your Teacher/Guru is aware of you. Every moment. What I did, what I do (I am not an expert) is act and behave and converse with myself in my mind as if I have a Teacher/Guru (because, again, yes, I do, and yes, so do you). When the time is right for each of us, the already constantly present Teacher/Guru will become evident to us, individually. All the while. I take confidence, and I urge you to do the same, in the words of one of the first Teachers we encountered, Ramakrishna: “God alone is the Guru.” And here too, I consider my relationship is between me and my Guru/Teacher. It is private; no one else has a need to know about it. (Then why am I talking to you about my experience in all of this? Because I am genetically obliged to accord with the apparently fundamental truth of the human race: Never take your own advice.)

Finally, again: Presumably some of you reading this website, and perhaps particularly these paragraphs, are wondering, is this writer a Buddhist? A Christian? A Jew? A Muslim? Or what? Fair quetion. The answer is yes and no. I mean no disrespect by that, but the fact is, as I perceive my spirituality, I belong to nothing but God, and I listen to every voice God speaks from whatever mouth God chooses. (Is belong the right word? Dunno.) And — for myself — I am convinced that every path, every scripture, every seeker’s instinct leads to God because, God being Infinite, there is nowhere else. And, as I see it, every seeker must find, will find, the path that is specifically intended, even purposely and personally designed by the Infinite God for her or him. Is that an outrageous statement? Is such a path likely, even possible? To me, this Being an Infinite God-ly Universe, the question answers Itself.
            Here let me be clear. Those words are not advice, not even suggestion. They are just a personal answer to a presumed question. As I have said before, and will likely say again, as I see it there is nothing more personal and private than the spiritual path each of us will undertake sooner or later.

Yea, well, this too: Does God exist? Sometimes, a question arises about belief in the existence of God. As I see it, no, I do not believe God exists. And the reason for that is, I KNOW God exists. For me, God’s existence is not about belief … or faith.

Which generates the question, “How can you possibly know that? ” To which my response is, “I know that God exists in the same way I know that I exist.”

Think about that. How do we know that we exist? Is it because we can see ourselves in a mirror. “Look, that’s me, proof that I exist.” Or is it because we can feel our pulse? Ot is it that a friend whom we trust affirms, “Yes, I can vouch for your existence.”

It’s none of those, is it? The fact is I know I exist, we each know that we exist, for no other reason than that I know it, we know it. We don’t need proof. Why? Because whether or not I exist or you exist is not in question. Again, we each know it to be true not for any particular reason, not because we can prove it, but simply because there is no doubt about it. I know it. You know it. Period.

“Do I exist? Of course I exist. What a silly question!”

For me, that’s the way it is with God. I know that God exists in the same way, simply because I know it. Again, it’s not belief (religious or otherwise), it’s not faith; it’s knowledge. I know it.

Nonsense, some will say. I do not argue with that. My situation (my problem?) is that, as far back as I can remember, I have felt this way about God, sensing, knowing, God’s presence. My perception of God — who, what, how — has changed (matured?) over the decades, but never has it wavered: God is here, at hand, in my life — permanently indisputably perceptibly. I do not know, I have never known, what God is (precisely), but I do know, and I have always known (with certainty), that God is.

Just now, writing these words, “atmosphere” came to my mind as a metaphor for my “situation.” Atmosphere is here and everywhere, now and always — invisible, indistinct, untouchable, silent. Wherever we go, whatever we are doing, however we feel, atmosphere is here, always, everywhere, certainly. A given, a constant. To me, God is like that … but more than that. How more? Well, a meteorologist might argue, but to me the atmosphere is not, uh, alive in the same way that God is alive. A Living Presence. Sensed Existence. Yes, capital letters. Maybe that’s the difference.

That said, let me be clear. I am not a God freak. I do not make noise about this, and so there are few on the planet who know this about me — other than Nancy and now you. And that’s as it should be. Which brings us back to this.

Finally, here’s a Brother Theophyle cartoon: Theo questions Rabbit, “How come you’re so sure God exists?” Rabbit says, “That’s easy. I created Him.” Theo suggests, “Don’t you mean He created you?” Rabbit replies, “That’s what I said. He created me to create Him.”

Self-Realzation: I address it on TZF’s definitions page, but I am inclined to make a few noises about it here. As I see it, Self-Realization is the ultimate and inevitable acme of the spiritual process … irrespective of religion, tradition, path, or any other choices (seemingly) made by a seeker.
       As I understand it, Self-Realization is awakening by the (lower case) self — “I am me, and you aren’t” — to the True Nature of What Is, which is, in a word, Stefan is not and has never truly been, and neither is nor has been your name. And yet, Self-Realization is not truly that. The ego, that which tells me I am Stefan and tells you that you are your name, is an isolated fragment of the mind, my mind and your mind, and it is, in effect, lying to us (or misinforming us), and its lie has created, is creating, my life and your life. It — the ego — is zoofencelike a speck (chunk) of dust that blocks the light of the sun. A curtain. Dark glasses. A beach umbrella. Like that, only more so. We are not aware of it — we do not know what is beyond the curtain, we are not even aware of the curtain — because Knowledge of What Is is part of (is principally) what the ego blocks. Yes, we can say the words, we can write books (and design websites) about it, but in this specific context knowing is not the same as, not even close to, Knowing.
       Why? Because at Self-Realization (I use the word at there uncertainly) it is not that Stefan or your name becomes Self Realized. It is that the self you and I think we are (Stefan and your name) dies — not bodily but actually, in Truth. Thus, Sufis say, “die before you die”. That is, the I that I think I am and that you think you are will not, cannot, be Self-Realized. Think of (and this is a weak, even inaccurate, analogy, but it is the best I can come up with) a caterpillar and a butterfly. In biology (I did not do well in high school bio, so …), in order for a butterfly to appear and fly, a caterpillar must die, but a butterfly could not appear and fly without there having been a caterpillar. To me, Self-Realization is like that.
       And how is Self-Realization different? Today, when you and I say and think “I” we mean the body we seem to ourselves to be inhabiting … and all it’s stuff. At Self-Realization, I means, is, What Is — the entirety, literally: I Am That I Am.
       Notice, God does not say in Exodus, I Am Self-Realized. And neither do the Teachers. That is so because at that level, at that place, it is enough, it is more than enough, it is all there is, to say, I AM. And there, it is not an individual person who is speaking about herself or himself (however much it may seem so to us who cannot but perceive a Self-Realized Teacher as other than a person), it is Being affirming as and for Itself — The One That is All There Is.
       Try this: Jesus — actually Issa — is the person born to Joseph and Mary; Christ is What Is, the One. Issa perceives the body as himself, Christ (Issa after Matthew 3:16) knows the Entirety to be I.

Finally once again: Why? What is the purpose of life (lower case l)? Why are we here as finite bodies on this finite planet living finite lives when all around us are Teachers telling us that it — we and our lives — is an illusion? Why didn’t — doesn’t — God simply erase the illusion and reveal the Universe, Reality, composed solely and totally and entirely of Self-Realized stuff? Dunno. But let’s have some fun. As I understand the word infinite, as I am using it here at TZF, infinite (actually Infinite) means limitless, including or enclosing or consisting of (word?) all there is anywhere anyhow anytime. That is, there is no one and no thing, however defined, that is not included in, or that is in any manner outside of, an infinite thing. To me that means — again, just for fun — there is no way that an Infinite Being can enjoy a cold beer, fly a kite, ride a horse, share a cup of tea. Experiencing those delights or anything like them demands there being finite people and finite stuff in a finite world. If you are an infinite being creating that stuff, and enabling that stuff to be able to interact among itself being other stuff, you need to ensure that the stuff does not know it is the infinite you being it. Thus, the veil. It works. God gets to order a pizza to go, and experience what it feels like to do that. And why not? Is that what you and I are? God consciously (but covertly) enjoying being stuff. For more about that, consider this.

For non-English speakers: dunno is (lazy) slang for “I do not know”.
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And do good; indeed, Allah loves the doers of good.
Qur'an 2:195



The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions.
Leonardo da Vinci



The Universe is a Portrait of God
perceived by us as a landscape
composed of you, me, places, events,
planets, stars, galaxies, dreams,
latitudes, longitudes,
past present future,
genders, races, groups, associations,
religions, nationalities, philosophies,
thoughts, beliefs, expectations,
decisions, intentions, regrets, and
other unimaginable unspeakable infinite stuff,
all of which to us,
who confuse appearance for Reality,
is many, and to God is One.

God’s Gender



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DISCLAIMER:
Inevitably and rightly, there is a lot on The Zoo Fence about scriptures considered sacred by various traditions. As you read those comments and observations, please understand that nothing written here is, or is intended to be, an academic consideration. I am not a theologian, biblical scholar, or historian. I am not an expert. In the context of this website, my interest in sacred writings is solely as a spiritual seeker who has undertaken a personal inner journey for the Truth of who and what and where I am. I know that many of my statements, and perhaps even all of my conclusions, will not reflect, and perhaps may even contradict, current orthodoxy, theology, and history. I mean no disrespect by that, but it does not concern me, for again I am not an academic, and this is not an academic undertaking. For me, the scriptures of the world’s spiritual traditions are a guide and a tool and a vehicle which can facilitate and accelerate my own personal passage along the spiritual path only if I understand their message to me. Therefore, I take it to be my duty, even my sacred responsibility, to discover and understand their meaning to me personally, to decipher what the Universal Teacher intends for me to see in them and to do by them. Here, on The Zoo Fence, I share that with you, and I ask that you read it in that spirit.

The SmPrint
This is an abreviated version of The Zoo Fence.
It has been updated most recently on October 31, 2024.
The Zoo Fence was first published in hard copy in January 1996.
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The Zoo Fence at birth
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